Wednesday, 10 August 2016


Today's entry is a day later than I was intending it to be but oh well! This week is already running away from me. Monday was a busy day as one of my closest friends got married and Savannah was a flower girl. It was a lovely day and Savannah loved wearing her princess dress and dancing the night away in the evening.

There isn't too much else to report since last week, I have had a pretty good week. I have been over thinking a lot less, still exercising and have been going out a lot more, both with Savannah in the daytime and with friends in my own time. Sunday was a really nice day because it was hot and Savannah enjoyed playing in her paddling pool all day so I got the chance to chill out in the garden as well as play with her.

Mental note: laying in the sunshine with a clear mind is really good for the soul.

I am so pleased I have kept up the exercise and most importantly, when I really haven't felt like going out I still have. Getting up and going is definitely the hardest part. On Sunday night I really didn't fancy power walking after my chilled out day but convinced myself to go thinking I would just do a couple of miles and be so pleased I had made the effort. I ended up doing 4 miles because I was enjoying being out so much. Last night I went to another exercise class which was hard work! but hard work that I enjoyed. I seriously cannot believe how much I am enjoying exercise. I have NEVER enjoyed exercise.....EVER.

I was the girl who never turned up to P.E. in school because I hated it and always felt awkward and unfit and that I couldn't do it. I have never stuck with any kind of exercise because I have either gotten bored or said it was 'too hard' and I couldn't do it. The thing is though, the first class you attend or the first time you go out and exercise IS hard but it is the hardest the exercise will ever be, each and every time you work out it will get that bit easier. If you think less about it and actually enjoy it for what it is you will surprise yourself too. I have.

I know this phrase gets used a lot but it really is the truth -

'If I can do it, anybody can'

Overall, this has been a good week. I don't think I have had any points where I have felt particularly low or anything like that. If I am honest, I feel shattered this morning, not sure why, so I feel like I need to round this blog post up because otherwise I am just going to write a load of crap! I can't even remember what I have done over this past week either, that is how little my brain is functioning! Not sure if I am still tired from having a long day Monday as I intended to have an early night last night but ended up having another late one. Maybe I am not as rock n roll as I once was and two late nights on the trot have finished me off.

I have a pile of washing to work my way through and a daughter to entertain today too so need to get my butt in gear.

Until next time...

Lots of love! xx

Saturday, 6 August 2016

WELLBEING | Happiness is....

....NOT looking like a bag lady.

This week I have been mainly sporting the crazy bag / cat lady look. Seriously, it hasn't been pretty.

Think this lady:

And you kind of get my drift. 

We all know what it's like; you have busy days full of going out with your child(ren) or going to work and umpteen chores or jobs in between and making yourself look half decent doesn't always fall into that plan. Some daily tasks just have to be sacrificed and make up and brushing my hair is sometimes one of them (I'm joking about not brushing my hair.....OK I'm not) 

The thing is, after a week of feeling like I looked like a tramp because I was trying to fit in play dates, phone calls, washing, writing, chores and wiping my nose I realised it really has an effect on how I feel. One odd scruffy day and that's fine, I'm not bothered and I embrace it but by the fifth day I feel as though I may as well have a beard and no teeth. I am in no way dressing or putting make up on for anyone else especially strangers but sometimes it really does make YOU feel a hell of a lot better in yourself. 

So, on Friday I made an actual effort. Nothing too OTT just hair done nicely (well, down, washed and straightened) a bit of mascara and brows on fleek and  I felt much better than I had done on Thursday when I took the car to Ford's with what I can only describe as a ball of out of control, frizzy, wire wool on my head. 

Lesson learnt. Sometimes scruffy chic isn't that cute.

Happy Weekend everyone! lots of love x

Tuesday, 2 August 2016

MOOD DIARY | Week One.

This week has been a good week for me; I have literally been making sure I take time to relax before bedtime and tell myself that tomorrow is going to be a good day. It sounds silly and so simple but couple this with five minutes or so winding down and deep breathing and it makes me feel a hell of a lot better. I also tell myself what I am going to do in the morning so if I am wanting to get up early to go for a power walk (I was running but it wasn't having a good impact on my back) then I tell myself I am going to get up early and go out. I am finding going to sleep with motivational thoughts in my head makes me feel more motivated in the mornings.

If I have woken up and felt like I want to stay in bed rather than go out and exercise (who doesn't feel that way?!) I have reminded myself of how good I will feel afterwards, both physically and mentally. When I go out for a power walk or run I make sure I think about absolutely nothing. Nothing at all. Just clear my mind (which is really hard for me!) and enjoy the fresh air and the scenery around me. That is therapy in itself. By the time I get back I feel refreshed and ready to face the day. If I haven't been out in the morning I go in the evening, I feel like exercise is now my medication. It gives you that natural buzz and relief. If I can feel anxiety creeping in or that I am feeling a bit down I go out for a walk or whatever and think about nothing but which which route I am going to take and it makes me feel so much better.

I have also been stressing less about things coming up in the future that normally I would worry about. This one is extremely hard for me! I am always living in the future, every minute of my life. Always distracted. I am always thinking of what I need to be doing next or stuff coming up or worrying about future bills and what ever else. I can never enjoy what's happening now because I am never here now. Sure, I am in the room but my mind is always whirring along in the background three days ahead (minimum). If I am at a party listening to someone talk, I can never just be at the party, relaxed and enjoying the mood and the people I am talking to. I am always thinking of something else or worrying about something else and before I know it a whole conversation has happened around me and I have no clue what people are talking about. My mood has soured because I have got myself in a state about stupid random things and my anxiety levels are rising. This weekend we had a party and I was really looking forward to it; I promised myself I was going to have a good time and not be stressing about anything. I was just going to enjoy socialising and chatting with people I hadn't seen for a while and that was it. And that's what I did. I had a lovely time. I had some lovely conversations with good friends and family and it was a nice evening. I left early because Savannah was so tired and grumpy but I didn't get stressed out about it like I normally would. I usually find having Savannah with me at a party really stressful and my anxiety goes through the roof but I know it is all in my head. She is fine and it is lovely for her to enjoy herself and have fun, as long as I keep my eye on her it doesn't matter and when she is tired, if I can't settle her then I will take her home - which is what I did.

This week is the first week of my life that it has really hit home with me that I can kick anxiety's arse and be myself, the real me that has been hiding away behind my anxiety's back is now slowly starting to emerge. I am not a stressy person and I am not a miserable person - that is my anxiety. The real me likes to laugh and chat and have fun and enjoy life. This week I stuck two fingers up to my anxiety and enjoyed myself and it felt amazing.

One sure sign I was feeling better in myself is that I went swimming with Patrick and Savannah; I would usually watch because I hate being in a bikini but I didn't care because the desire to go swimming and play with Savannah in the water was greater than my fear of how I looked in my bikini. I actually didn't give a second thought to how I looked in my bikini because it wasn't important. Afterwards, we took Savannah to an animal sanctuary which was really good fun too and it was lovely to spend time together as a family. I used to think I needed cigarettes and alcohol to give me a buzz and make me enjoy life more but I am quickly learning I just need life experiences to give me a buzz and make me feel happy. Not once at that party did I feel like I missed alcohol (I gave it up last October by the way, not sure if I have mentioned that on here yet) and that was the first time that I have felt that way. I felt good enough and confident enough to enjoy the party on my own.

When you let go of a lot of things like fears of the future or thoughts of the past or just general over thinking it leaves you free to do a hell of a lot more with your life. I have been taking care of myself more this past week too, exercising being one - am starting a new class tonight called Contour Pilates which I am excited  about - and eating well again which was something I struggled with when I felt crap. I just craved bad food. You only have one body and one life though and you need to look after yourself, I feel like something has clicked inside my head finally that has made me realise that I am just as good as everyone else. I can do whatever I put my mind to and taking small steps and making small changes has proved that and has made me want to do more.There isn't any secret in how that thing 'clicked' in my head, I have been telling myself for a long time that I am good enough to do whatever I want and achieve whatever I want, maybe it has just finally sunk in.

I know I will still have down days and times when I don't feel as motivated but that is OK, so long as I recognise what it is and don't wallow in it. So long as I motivate myself and push myself harder so that those darker days and thoughts don't win. I am more aware of those thoughts now and how to deal with them but it will certainly be much more of a test for me when I feel crap. It is easy to feel good and motivated on the better days, the dark days are when I really have to find my inner strength.

So, this week I am feeling very proud of myself and very comfortable in my own skin. Content I guess. It is a lovely feeling. Here is to having another good week!

Lots of love xx

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