I really do not know what is wrong with me; I am such an over thinker.... It can drive my husband up the wall!
It isn't a new thing, I have always been this way... it is a 'quirk' of mine I guess you would say. But sometimes I do really wish I could turn off this brain of mine.
I can be spontaneous and enjoy going out or going to places off the cuff so it doesn't affect my life socially in most ways (although some social situations can make me nervous but I have long learnt that it is more the anticipation than the situation itself and taking the plunge is always the best solution) It is more decision making or life in general or people that I find myself endlessly pondering about:
Should we do this?
Should I have said that?
Did that sound rude?
Or show offy?
Should that look like that or this? Maybe I should change it? No maybe I should leave it?
What did you mean by that?
What about if this happens?
Argh! I am terrible.....
I know it must be annoying for Patrick because just thinking it all annoys the hell out of me!! I guess it must just be some deep rooted anxiety planted somewhere.
The reason I am now writing about it is because lately I have been thinking about it a lot. Trying to chill out and not over think things because I do worry I am only going to get worse as I get older (See! another worry!) I know life is about taking risks and none of us know what is around the corner, I just need to practice what I preach!
Also, I need to have more faith and confidence in myself. If I know what I said wasn't meant to sound rude then I shouldn't assume the person I was talking to took it that way. Or, if I know I haven't done anything to offend a certain person then I shouldn't spend time worrying I must have because it feels they are being 'off'. We are all human, we all act differently from time to time depending on our mood, how our day was or what is going on in our lives.
I am the one who gets dressed for a party and enjoys taking my time with my hair and make up, looks in the mirror and thinks 'you don't look half bad' until I get to the party and see what everyone else is wearing. Then I think everyone else looks tons better!!
I am the one who wants to say something witty but doesn't think she is very funny.
God this post is turning depressing!!
Being with Patrick has helped a lot! He is so honest and down to earth he just tells me when I'm being silly or overthinking. He is quite self assured and comfortable in his own skin, he knows what he is capable of and is quite self assured... cocky sod! He gives me confidence when I need it and tells me I should believe in myself more and I think it is working slowly and surely...
My blog new years resolution was to 'write like no one's watching' so as this was what I am thinking about today I thought I would discuss it and also, I wanted to see if anyone else is the same as me?! I know we all have insecurities but does anyone else find making a decision so bloody tedious because you are thinking of all the different possibilities or outcomes?
No wonder I keep myself awake sometimes!
PLEASE tell me I am not alone!