Monday, 9 February 2015

LIFE | Is divorce actually GOOD for the children?

I actually wanted to write this post last week to coincide with the Kate Winslet interview this topic stems from as well the discussion that was held on the subject on 'This Morning' but I just didn't get the time unfortunately.

If you have not heard about what Kate Winslet said it was in reference to the fact that she is in her third marriage and that she believes divorce can actually be good for children because it teaches them to 'struggle' (words that were probably taken out of context by the journalist but it was along those lines). I have always thought Kate Winslet to be very down to earth and realistic about life and can see where she is coming from with this thought process.

On 'This Morning' they had a debate by two women; one of whom disagreed and felt people should stick together for the sake of the children and a woman who said that if it isn't working you should split up - kids or no kids. Over 90% of the viewers agreed with the latter and did not think it a good idea to stay married for the sake of the children - thank god I say!

With all due respect to the woman fighting for marriage, she didn't really have the experience to justify her reasoning's behind thinking  children from a divorced background are worse off. She admitted she has been happily married for 25 years and did not mention if her parents had split up (something I think she would have if they had I feel).

Dignified in both her argument and defeat (Katie Hopkins she was not!) she did have some good points, it does sometimes seem that in the modern world we live in where no one blinks an eye at a divorcee, some people are too quick to throw in the towel and declare their marriage over but my thoughts on that are; A, they aren't the majority of people and B, more fool them because they will either never truly be happy or are just plain stupid thinking it is ok to get married because if it doesn't work out they can just get divorced.

My parents split when I was very young, maybe six? and yes it was very hard for everyone at first and yes I do have memories of them arguing when they split and I have memories of them bickering and arguing pretty much up until I was a teenager, years AFTER they had divorced, when they hardly saw each other and do you know what that used to make me think? I am so glad they got divorced! Can you imagine what it would have been like had they stayed married for the sake of us kids? Do I wish in a perfect world they could of been happy and stayed together? No actually, because I like the way my life has turned out, it could have been very different. I like the partners that both parents have and the fact my daughter has an 'extra' set of grandparents, I love the way everything is. So no, I wouldn't change it.

My parents - without realising - have taught me the most important lessons that I have ever learnt about love. Their divorce made me realise that you have to work at relationships and that you shouldn't just 'settle,' it has also taught me you shouldn't rush into marriage either. I married knowing that I truly wanted to spend the rest of my life with with this one man and we work at our relationship through the good times and the bad. I totally respect the meaning of marriage and my marriage means the world to me. The great thing about us I think is that hubby comes from a 'happily-married-parent' background so I think we balance each other out! I wouldn't bail on my marriage at the first hurdle but I wouldn't stay if things weren't working. It wouldn't be fair on anyone.

Lastly, my mum and dad are parents yes, I now understand that responsibility more than I ever have but they are people first. You only get one life so should you spend it trapped in an unhappy and miserable life when you could quite easily make a better life for you and those you love dearly?

What are your thoughts?


6 comments:

  1. I'm very much of the "I'd rather be alone than unhappy" train of thought. My parents stayed together until my brother moved out - I was 25. It was horrible, yes, but the overall feeling was of relief. I was glad they had finally separated as it had been so plainly obvious that they were unhappy together. Now I have two parents who are separated but happier than I have ever seen them. xx

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    1. You had the complete opposite experience of me entirely and had parents stick it out. Everyone tries to do things that they believe are for the best at the time and it can sometimes be years later we realise they weren't the best idea but we know our intentions were good. I wonder if now, your parents feel they should have parted sooner? Or maybe not....maybe they still feel they did the right thing. It is hard because one parent then loses out on seeing their children every day, that must affect the decision a lot. xx

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  2. Thanks for that Nic, I had a tear in my eye reading that Patrick comes from a 'happily-married-parent' background. He does and it's lovely to hear that others recognise that fact xxx

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    1. ahhh, you are welcome! it is the type of marital background I want Savannah to come from :) xxx

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  3. I always believe that; a broken marriage or marriages (with due respect to the partners) can never do good to anybody. Life moves on...we move on....kids move on, and become independent; but the scars deep down remains fresh and stagnant forever and ever!!. And that feeling & thoughts about marriage, relationship, adjustments, trust, happily-married; etc; remains unclear or unanswered...but life continues........

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    1. I don't disagree that my parents divorce has affected me in a lot of ways, there is no way that kids can go through all that confusion and not be affected however I still would not change a thing. It has made both me and my brother stronger people and better judges of character and not naive when it comes to relationships. I am not saying people should just give up, not at all; marriage is hard work sometimes and you SHOULD work at it but for some it isn't always the option anymore. xx

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Nicki

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