Thursday, 12 March 2015

PARENTHOOD | Being a stay at home Mum.

It is 2015 and one of the great things about the day and age we live in is that women can have amazing careers, dress how they wish, get married or not and have children or not. Women have so much more freedom than they did 100 years ago in terms of choice and the life they lead.

I admire all women who work hard whether they are a nurse, shop assistant, make up artist, carer, baker or even....dare I say it; a full time mum. Yep, I said it. Why has being a stay at home mum become such a taboo?

What made me write about this was learning that Katie Hopkins had recently tweeted about stay at home mums, spurting out more abuse this time aimed at us lazy arsed cretins who didn't wanna work so got up the duff. While I do know there are women out there like that (cos sadly I have met some) most women who are stay at home mums are hard working and while they are not in employment, they are putting the time and effort and energy they did in their job to run a home and bring up a child.

I am not going to go on about Katie Hopkins cos it is all just a big stunt to get people riled and I think it's quite funny really. (Stay at home mums are shameful but a woman who makes a career out of being a bitch is fine?) I sleep very well at night knowing I have worked hard every day to make sure Savannah is well looked after, entertained and mentally stimulated, worn out, fed and all that comes in between as well as keeping the house clean and tidy, running errands, doing all the usual chores, blogging and freelance writing (on occasion) and keeping busy seeing other friends with kids, family members or taking Savannah to places made for her like soft play or the park. I don't proclaim to be a saint, I don't proclaim that I work harder than anyone else in fact I don't proclaim anything. My husband appreciates what I do just as I do him when he comes home from work.

What is most annoying are people's assumptions; people assume that you don't want to work. Yup, that's it I have retired at 30 to have children until my womb packs up just to keep out of employment. Actually, the reality is I would like to work, I really miss having my own money and that little bit of freedom. It isn't the same having to justify a purchase to my husband so I just don't buy stuff anymore. The truth is I plan on getting a little part time job when the time is right and something suits but for now, full time work is not an option for us because of child care costs. My previous employer couldn't offer my position to me as a part time job so I had to leave and even if I worked 3 or even 2 days a week I still have no family to look after Savannah and would be using the wages I am earning to pay someone to look after my baby and not reaping any financial benefit.

Anyway why is it such a taboo to say that actually, I had this child so I am going to look after it? I am not dissing mum's who want to go back to work (or had to) I wouldn't diss any mum, we all do what works for us but I had the opportunity to stay at home, enjoy my first child's first years, teach her what we want her to be taught, feed her what we want her to eat and take her where we want her to be taken - why is that a bad thing? I know so many mums who say their child is fed differently at the three different places they are a week or the rules are completely different from one place to the next. Even if you kindly put across your wishes regarding your child's eating or nap time or treats or whatever those rules will be bent or broken sometimes because they are not the parent. Or if it is a child minder looking after your little one then they will have their own rules and regulations to follow too. I am not saying it is an unhappy environment for children to be brought up in I am just saying that for me, being at home with Savannah is the best option for us as a family. I had childminders and different relatives pick me up from school or look after me and it did me no harm but my mum had no choice. She was a single parent on a small wage. We are in a  position where yes, we sometimes struggle but overall we are much better off doing things the way we are right now.

Another positive factor for me career wise is I can make a go of my blog more this year and even maybe get more freelance writing work or write a book like I keep promising myself I will.

As I have said throughout this post, I'm not dissing other mums. My cousin went back to her career because she couldn't be a stay at home mum. She adjusted her days to what suited their new lives as parents and it all works just fine for them. We all have different needs, different enjoyments and we all have a different idea of what a family life should be like, no one person is right or wrong and really, who else business is it any way?


1 comment:

  1. I really agree with you here. I don't have children myself but when it comes to it in the future I would like to think I will be able to stay home and get that much needed time in their first year to really bond and bring up my child how I would like to. There is no shame whatsoever in this!

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