I had a massive reality check this weekend when some friends came to visit. You know the kind of kick up the bum that while you did kind of know it about yourself it sinks in a hell of a lot more when you hear it from somebody else.
Basically, I have realised that for the last year or so I have not been looking after myself. I have had quite an awful year for one reason or another and I have spent most of it focused on learning ways to deal with anxiety and depression. I have been working really hard to fight the demons in my brain and learn how to ignore them. I am trying to make positive changes to make myself feel better mentally and yet I am still not. looking after myself physically. Which is ironic really because I know that exercise and eating well makes you feel good inside and out.
My friend firstly made the comment that my diet was really good and Savannah would pick those habits up too because she is with me all of the time to which I had a guilty gulp when I remembered the three mince pies I devoured the day before. For some reason, despite really enjoying watching what I eat and eating well I haven't done that at all lately (lately being months) I eat shit. I eat too much ( I know we are all guilty of that but I mean stupidly too much) My heart sank. What was going on? In a year when I am really trying to break bad habits with my thinking and change my way of life so I can feel happier, healthier and content I am really abusing my physical health. WHY?
The next realisation came the next morning when we were chatting and she was shocked when I admitted I didn't take my make up off the night before:
'What?! Nicki you have always been into looking after your skin? Why didn't you take it off? That's so bad!'
She's right, I am. I love nothing better than freshly washed, scrubbed and moisturised skin. It feels amazing and clean and soft. When my husband piped up with 'She never takes it off anymore' I was horrified, I have fallen into a habit of being too tired and too lazy to take off my make up and therefore abuse my skin and clog my pores. Add to that the next realisation that I am always saying how my hair is in crap condition because I am forever coating it with dry shampoo and tying it up you can see why I was feeling pretty annoyed with myself.
I know that all of these lazy horrible habits will only add to my down days. Looking in the mirror and seeing tired, grey, horrible skin and dirty hair coupled with a rounded tum is not exactly going to send my confidence sky rocketing now is it?
So, when we went to visit Father Christmas on Sunday with friends I insisted we walked. It wasn't too far however because of the cold we would have just decided to go in the car but instead, we wrapped up, got the buggy out and we walked. Then, that evening I ordered myself some new gym leggings and a food processor / blender combi thingy so I can start making my smoothies and soups again. My old blender was cheap and broke before we moved so I needed a new one and an incentive to get back into eating well. The leggings are my incentive to get my arse in the gym or go for walks or start working out in my living room again.
I know what you're thinking; Christmas is around the corner, just wait until the new year but I can't I have to do it NOW.
We have a new smart TV now so I can play my old YouTube fitness playlists even easier than before through the TV and Savannah is older now so - while it will be hard because she will want to be involved - I can easily do a fifteen minute work out each morning even if it means Savannah is joining in. It is teaching her good health habits after all anyway, if she see's mummy exercising she will ask why and I can explain it is good for my health etc. Hopefully she will grow up with a more enthusiastic approach to exercise than I did.
Wish me luck!