writer & housewife blogging about life



Thursday, 15 November 2018

Appreciating My Own Company.

mental health blogger, lifestyle blogger, anxiety, negative thoughts, enjoying your own company, Nicki Kinickie
In recent years I have come to see being alone as a good thing and enjoy my own company.

Most of my life I have always disliked being in my own company. I'm not quite sure why but put it down to lack of self confidence or insecurity. I think when I was on my own when I was younger I always felt I should be out doing something and was missing out or if it happened too often it signified I was alone. I could never be content with my own company or how best to fill it. Even if in a relationship.

Whether it was a week night or a weekend, I would find myself lost in my thoughts if I had time on my own and contemplate things which wasn't always a good thing. I couldn't help but feel lonely too. I didn't like myself or feel comfortable in my own skin so why would I want to spend time alone in my own company?

Times have changed though and so have I. I have worked bloody hard on my self esteem and self acceptance and one benefit that has come from that is enjoying time to myself. I have no doubt age has something to do with it too as I definitely feel different at 34 than I did at at 24, even 29. Being a parent also changes things too, time is so much more sacred in lots of ways. You realise how precious time is because you have this little person growing so quickly in front of your eyes and time for yourself becomes a rarity. Especially if you decide to up sticks and move away from your family (i.e. babysitters) to another county!

I realised recently just how much I really do appreciate and enjoy my own company; Savannah went to her grandparents for the weekend and because Patrick works Friday nights and plays football on Saturdays I had plenty of me time to relax and enjoy.

Friday night I applied a hair mask, gave myself a facial and had a long soak in a bubble bath. As sad as it sounds I also had an early night because I hadn't slept well all week so felt shattered! It was nice to have been able to unwind though without sorting Savannahs dinner and tackling bedtime and also even nicer to have a lie in the next day (I didn't get up til gone 9.30!).

Saturday afternoon I listened to a couple of podcasts, blogged, did another facial, caught up on soaps and started a new book. It was heavenly! Not once did I feel lonely or like I needed to talk someone. I really enjoyed having so much time to myself. I completed the little jobs I needed to which made me feel good and got to enjoy some time relaxing and not having to worry about Savannah. As much as I obviously love her and love having time with her at the weekend to make new memories and have adventures it is was wonderful to just think about me.

Time for yourself is important and I feel sad to think of all those times I was on my own and hated it. All those times I could have been focusing on myself, my wellbeing and enjoying my own company or appreciating who I was as a person instead I was beating myself up. Questioning things in my life and myself as a person. It all seems so stupid now and no doubt sounds crazy as the person reading this but when you have anxiety and lack of self confidence as well as an overactive imagination (or brain that never shuts off) it naturally happens.

There were times when I found myself alone and felt it was because I didn't have anyone to socialise with anymore when that was stupid and untrue. Ironically now more than ever I don't have many friends around me because of moving to a new area but I feel so much more content than I ever did before. I have friends I see from time to time whether it is for a coffee during school hours or the occasional dinner out but because I have worked hard on myself and am so much busier with Savannah (she has a busier social life than me!) and focusing on my work, time to myself is like gold dust so I want to spend it wisely not waste it tearing myself apart.

Not only that I love myself so much more than I once did and know that self care time is important and something I deserve. I enjoy indulging in a bubble bath and I enjoy not having to constantly entertain Savannah or anyone else and can just be silent and relax. It's bliss!

After my weekend of self care and recharging I was ready to get back into the swing of things. Ready to focus once again on my work and building my blog brand, network etc. as well as focus on my little girl and what she needs.

Time for yourself is so important for wellbeing and happiness. It is important for those around you too because when you feel appreciated or recharged you won't be resentful of your busy and sometimes stressful life nor will you feel neglected. It is all too easy to forget this and claim not to have the time but it is important to make time to do the things you love and that make you feel good.

Life is too short to put everyones else needs first all the time and neglect our own. Life is too short to be unhappy or not enjoy yourself.

More of us need to remember that.

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