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NICKI KINICKIE
writer & housewife blogging about life

DIARY OF AN ESSEX GIRL NOW LIVING IN NORFOLK. TALKING HONESTLY ABOUT LIFE, MOTHERHOOD AND MENTAL HEALTH.

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Thursday, 14 March 2019

Recent Body Image Struggles.

Nicki Kinickie, Body Confidence, Self Confidence, Self Esteem, Mental Health, Weight Gain, Body Changes,


On my next birthday I turn 35 which means I will officially be able to say I am in my mid thirties (do forgive me if I am not jumping up and down on the sofa Tom Cruise style about that revelation). While I do genuinely feel that age is just a number and you should be happy in your own skin, wear what you want no matter your age blah blah blah, there have been a lot of times lately where I am just not cool with getting older.



Growing old is a privilege denied to many. I know that from personal experience sadly and while I am in no way old or even middle aged, I have noticed some major physical differences of late and feel like I don't recognise my own body anymore. I know it is silly to get hung up on these stupid things but hey, we are all human and sometimes we just do. Sometimes we feel the need to whinge about it too and that is exactly what I am doing today in this blog post.

The most obvious thing I have noticed with regards to how my body has changed lately is weight gain. I haven't gained a lot but I have gained weight, not only that I am gaining it on other parts of my body that I have never gained it on before. My weight has always ALWAYS gone on my lower stomach and hips. I have never had a flat stomach but in the last year or so it has become VERY paunchy. The weight going onto my hips has piled up too.

Worst of all the small waist I have always loved and which has contributed substantially to my hourglass figure is now also gaining weight. Suddenly all of my bras are really uncomfortable and I feel like my rolls start under my bust as appose to just having a belly. IT FEELS GROSS. I suddenly feel uncomfortable with a lot of the tops I own because they are figure hugging and to me just show up all the new lumps and bumps that have appeared (and frankly look bloody awful). My boobs have also gotten bigger too (not that they needed to) they didn't even change size when I was pregnant and now they have a life of their own.

Basically, at this moment in time I feel pretty 'meh'. My body is changing because I am getting older and while I have always had to watch my weight, obviously the way I have eaten over the last decade or so isn't cutting the mustard anymore and I need to make changes.

I  need to cut down on the amount of treats I allow myself because my current limit isn't working and I need to exercise. I am getting older and weight will just get harder and harder to shift. So I need to have a plan of action now otherwise it will just get worse.

Why am I writing this post? I'm not really sure. Right now I have zero motivation to even think about a new healthy living plan let alone putting one into action. I know I need to make changes and I need to make them now. Easier said than done though eh?

I guess I am writing this just to share how I am feeling about my body and getting older and the changes that are going on because I know I won't be the only person out there feeling this way. While I feel happy in myself overall and much more confident and secure with the person I am these days there is that part of me feeling quite down about what I see when I look in the mirror.

I feel like I want to start off with small changes and slowly increase them so it doesn't feel like such a shock to the system. I am going to move more even if it is just dancing in my kitchen instead of standing and doing exercises in front of the telly when watching Emmerdale instead of sitting on my arse with a cuppa. Walking more too rather than just once a week.

I have already cut down on how much meat and dairy I eat a week as well as how often I eat starchy carbs. Now I think I need to just cut down on portion size too and I will be onto a winner.

For now though I wanted to talk about the mental side effects of getting older and noticing your body changing without warning and how that can make some people (me) feel.

Have you noticed your weight increase as your hit your mid thirties? Or noticed it has started to creep on in places it never has before?

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